Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
