there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
