how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
