this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This is the prime rib incident all over again
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
