We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
