trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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