i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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