I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
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