i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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