I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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