just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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