I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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