Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
