I hope mine doesn't look like that
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
