they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize