Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
