it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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