How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
