My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
