Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm like, not good at living.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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