My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
