Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
