We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
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Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
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We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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