My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
two words...techno handjob
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
