he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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