why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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