nut hugger
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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