like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
