You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
