No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Come on in and take your pants off
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
