In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
