The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
