I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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