There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
