Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize