Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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