i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
