Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I have post one night stand depression
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