I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
