tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
