dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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