yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
