I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
