Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
