she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
