What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
