hotel room ftw
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
