Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
