I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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