pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
