u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
