I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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