Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
