THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
