It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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