i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
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Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
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Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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