i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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