You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
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i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
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Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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