It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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