Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
