I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
