Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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