I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
