When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
