He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
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you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
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Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be