Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish i was in the wii world.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.