He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
