I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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