Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no