I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS