apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
