then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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