I am midnight drunk by noon
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
