I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
