I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
