she woke up with a sticky ear
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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